Washington, DC—The U.S. Department of Education is thrilled to announce the impending release of President Trump’s Big Book of Presidents, a dazzling study in presidential history by America’s GREATEST president.

Early reviews praise it as the best book EVER. Secretary of War Pete Hegseth exclaims, “It’s so patriotic, I cried warrior tears!” Heritage Foundation president Kevin Roberts deems it “a majestic offering from our supreme leader.” Beloved podcaster Candace Owens thinks it’s “even better than The Protocols of the Elders of Zion,” and Tucker Carlson, America’s favorite commentator, insists that it’s “so good it almost makes you think America is better than Russia!”

Featuring color-saturated pages with gilded gold-leaf borders, this handsome keepsake will be available on President’s Day, accompanied by a Treasury-issued commemorative Trump gold-plated coin, for the low, low price of $59.95. All proceeds will be donated to President Trump as a thank-you for his heroic service.

Vice President JD Vance’s foreword captures the towering spirit of this must-read volume:

As the nation celebrates its 250th birthday, what could be a greater gift than an intimate history lesson from our greatest president? With his trademark brilliance, President Trump, the hero who saved our nation, occupied Washington, and conquered Venezuela, courageously explains what his loser predecessors got wrong.

The book expands upon the elegant bronze plaques that President Trump has affixed below each president’s portrait along the new White House “Presidential Walk of Fame.” As press secretary Karoline Leavitt has rightly noted, our president is a devout “student of history” who personally penned many of the “eloquently written descriptions of each President.”

Our glorious leader has made clear that this project is “a tribute to past Presidents, good, bad, and somewhere in the middle.” Within its pages, readers are treated to the kind of insights that only President Trump can provide.

No other president would have the courage to state the truth that “Barack Hussein Obama was . . . one of the most divisive political figures in American History,” or that “Sleepy Joe Biden was, by far, the worst President in American History. Taking office as a result of the most corrupt Election ever seen in the United States, Biden oversaw a series of unprecedented disasters that brought our Nation to the brink of destruction.”

What sets President Trump’s Big Book of Presidents apart from the Presidential Walk of Fame, though, are the personal insights that can only be found in the book. Readers will be fascinated by the touching entry on John F. Kennedy, which observes, “Kennedy was a big fan of Donald J. Trump. After meeting 14-year-old DJT during his campaign, he told aides, ‘That boy is the smartest person I’ve ever met. He will save this country one day. Using his initials is VERY SMART. From now on, call me JFK.’ This is Very TRUE. Anyone who says it’s not is LYING. And 14-year-old DJT was not at ALL husky, whatever you may have heard in the LAMESTREAM MEDIA.”

President Trump also sets the record straight about Kennedy’s predecessor, Dwight Eisenhower. Like our president, Eisenhower was an avid golfer. But, as it says in the Big Book, “President Trump is a GREAT golfer who could have been a celebrated PROFESSIONAL. All the best pro golfers beg him for tips. It’s so true. His big, beautiful drives are a source of National Pride. Eisenhower was a good president but an AWFUL golfer. A National Embarrassment. His high handicap was very, very bad for America.”

A place of honor goes to William McKinley, President Trump’s second favorite president. He writes, “McKinley was often called ‘Mountain’ by his friends—a Term of GREAT RESPECT! He was a Very Great president who lived up to his big name by imposing Big, MANLY Tariffs. HUGE ones. But he got shot by a man who seemed like he was probably an IMMIGRANT in that TV movie. Or maybe the movie was about another president. Too Many Immigrants shooting presidents. VERY SAD. We need to shut it down.”

The account of Ulysses S. Grant is eye-opening. President Trump notes, “Grant was a failed businessman, unlike President Trump. While Donald J. Trump successfully built the World’s Biggest and Best Hotel and Golf Empire, Grant was a general who got many, many people killed during the Civil War. Sad!”

The profile on Thomas Jefferson has special salience in 2026: “Stuttering Tom gets a lot of credit for writing the Declaration of Independence. But he didn’t write it himself. He had HELP. Only VERY Stupid people don’t know that. And even though it is a declaration of unity and love and respect, it’s long and kind of boring. Trump would have written a MUCH better and FAR MORE PATRIOTIC declaration. And Stuttering Tom paid WAY too much for Louisiana. RIPPED OFF by the French! If he was smarter about real estate, he’d have gotten a Much better deal. And he SHOULD have bought Greenland, too. Loser. Americans today should be very, VERY grateful they finally have a SMART Negotiator in the White House.”

On this special anniversary, none of President Trump’s musings are more compelling than his heartfelt paean to Washington: “General George Washington—or Ol’ Wooden Teeth as people called him—was our first president. His wife wasn’t pretty. She was a three. I’ve done MUCH better. People are always telling me, ‘Sir, you’ve married the most beautiful women. You’re better than George Washington.’ If you read history, you know that all he did was chop down trees, throw quarters, and cross a river in wooden boats. And they built him a monument! The Smartest People tell me, ‘Sir, we’ve already got construction equipment at the White House. We should knock down that boring monument to Ol’ Wooden Teeth and build a much bigger, more beautiful monument to you.’ Should we do that? I don’t know, but it is what the best people are saying.”

Every family and classroom teacher needs to order President Trump’s Big Book of Presidents today. Let’s be clear—that’s NOT a suggestion. If there are unpatriotic schools that don’t place orders, the Secretary of Education will take appropriate action.

This year, administration officials and approved education leaders will visit schools in all 50 states as part of the Department of Education’s “History Rocks! Trail to Independence Tour.” You can find autographed copies of President Trump’s Big Book of Presidents on sale at each of those appearances! Can’t wait till then? Pick up your copy starting on President’s Day at your local post office; federal courthouse; and the Trump-Kennedy Center, the Trump-Lincoln Memorial, the Trump-Reagan Airport, and the Trump-Washington Monument.

Frederick Hess is an executive editor of Education Next and the author of the blog “Old School with Rick Hess.”